Driving home a few days ago, I glanced into my rearview mirror and was horrified. The reflection was a sorry sight. Pale, oily skin, the result of an surplus of sunblock slathered on before racing out the door. Glassy, bloodshot eyes from staring at a screen for nine hours (who needs a lunch break?). Newly shorn hair, a trifecta of limp, frizzy and greasy. In short, bad news.
I’m a vain person – always have been. I like to look my best, even though my efforts at beautification are often negated by obnoxious behavior involving spastic facial contortions and loud profanity-laced outbursts. Still, I make it a point to be properly groomed, meticulously clean, and decently attired. However, since entering the corporate world, more often than not I find myself neglecting my appearance all day, only to arrive home and stare horrified at my reflection.
Sometimes I excuse these embarrassing oversights by patting myself on the back, as though my lack of vanity is a testament to my hard work, thereby proving me a valuable employee. “Hey guys! Look how hideous I am! Workin' hard! Gimme a raise!”
Job dedication is no substitute for personal hygiene (or at least a good coat of lip gloss). Tonight I sit here newly committed to embracing my vanity. I shall report back from the trenches and let you know how it goes.