Synopsis

Short and sweet update on recent life events:

- Had cavity filled while covered with THREE lead aprons. Was informed Dentist uses only digital x-rays, which reduces radiation by 90%. Dentist has risen in esteem from possible one-lead-apron-possessing half-brain lowlife to all-knowing magic man. LOOL is thankful; mouth is happy.

- Braved mall and purchased $100 worth of “maternity” clothing at Forever 21. Am now armed with slew of stylishly flowy, belly-accomodating tops. Thought briefly that Forever 21 should really establish proper maternity department, then realized target demographic. Should not encourage wanton adolescent breeding, a la Jamie Lynn Spears.

- Still eating in saintly, organic-veggie-munching manner. Anticipate brief respite for indulgence in delicious white chocolate chicks n' ducks sent by mother in Easter basket. Headless bird gnawing in near future.

- Still have not opened gender-possessing slip of paper. Perhaps 80% sure of sex, but not ready to relinquish remaining 20% of mystery and intrigue. Still calling baby “it.”

- Turning 30 next week. Growing better with age, much like fine cheese.