Perspective

I knew I would love being a mother. But I just had no idea that I would !!!!LOVE!!!! being a mother. I thought I would be ready to go back to work when the time came, that I would yearn for the challenge of the workplace after many long, tedious days of mommyhood. I had no idea that I would tear up at the very thought of being away from him for a full day, of someone else getting his smiles and seeing the way his little eyes scrunch up when he grins his tiny baby grins.

Although I do not return to the office until next month, the thought of leaving my son already inevitably sends me into a melancholy haze. Discussing it with my mother the other day, I found myself choking up, and wondered What the hell is this? Who is this person? Who I am?

While I am not looking forward to returning to the daily grind, I can't say that I want to be a stay at home mom either - I dream of a part-time scenario, a job share, something that would enable me to spread my wings both as a mother and a worker. I have a mommy friend who is going back to work soon and is ready for the separation, yet feels guilty that she doesn't want to stay home. Why do we mothers torture ourselves so? Perhaps by this time next month, I will feel the same way. Who knows? One thing I do know - when I return to work, it will be with a new perspective - how can the petty office dramas bother me when all that matters is my healthy family?

As trite as it sounds, motherhood changes you. Mommy me is simply a different person than pre-baby me, and the new me is pretty damn fabulous.