Friday, March 7, 2008

A moment

I used to be an actress. I used to create things. I made characters. I built people. I had talent.

It was a miserable life. I couldn't hack it. I didn't like other actors. I didn't want to be a waitress/substitute teacher/bum forever. I didn't want to be Blonde #3. I didn't want to be poor.

So I quit, in the most transformative decision of my young life. I gave up my identity, and I have no regrets. My new world opened up a realm of possibility I never fathomed. I work, I earn, I have pride. I have friends, my husband, a home.

I don't miss it. On the rare occasion I go to the theatre, there is a brief moment when the lights dim and I know exactly what is going on backstage. I feel the energy, the anticipation, the nerves. It almost brings tears to my eyes. Yet I don't miss it.

What I've missed is something to call my own. Lately, my creativity was restricted to hanging photos, baking, planning new outfits. It wasn't enough. I needed something for me. For the first time in a long while, writing these words, creating this blog, I feel full.

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