Let me preface this with the fact that I love my brothers. I really do. As the youngest child, I firmly believe that the years of merciless beatings and relentless harassment were character-building. Were it not for their totally uncontained childhood insanity, I would not be the tough cookie I am today. In fact, I clearly recall running screaming through the forest, my brother in hot pursuit brandishing my father's chainsaw, thinking awesome...this will be really great for my developing sense of autonomy.
So thank you, brothers. Thank you.
One of them emailed me today for dating advice.
To be more specific, he emailed me to inquire whether he should post a new photo of himself on his online dating profile. Being a bossy know-it-all, I was perfectly happy to oblige. Upon review, I learned that one of the photos my brother is using to entice the cyber-ladies is a picture of himself grinning demonically while gripping a Heineken and a large stuffed tiger. Yes, that's my big brother. His question today was whether it would be a good idea to add a picture of himself grinning demonically while gripping a Corona and a large stuffed teddy bear.
Granted, I've been out of the game for awhile. I don't know what kind of broads are trolling the internet in search of dates these days. However, I'm fairly certain they won't be impressed with a wide variety of faux-animal-clutching, beer-guzzling portraits of oneself.
I informed him of this, and was quite thrilled to be able to utter the stern reprimand "you're not 21 anymore."
I fear retaliation.